Mastering the Art of Talk Dating Like a Gen Z: Fifty-One Ultra-Specific Phrases for Love, Sex and Questionable Conduct

This year represents a ten-year milestone since the term “ghosting” entered the mainstream. At the time, the idea that someone could instantly end communication with a partner without a word seemed like the peak of disrespect. We were so innocent. In the 10 years since, seeking a partner has only become more confounding – an frequently unsuccessful endeavor in humiliation that is increasingly defined by social media lingo.

Zoomers, a cohort who came of age during a social isolation epidemic, a male identity reckoning, and a widespread assault on the rights of women and the LGBTQ+ community, faces a infinitely more complex environment than their millennial forerunners could ever envision. And so their dating lexicon has grown more extensive and more unhinged, with terms like “Shrekking” and “vine swinging” pushing the limits of your sanity.

Below is a comprehensive guide to the words gen Z is using to navigate romance, intimacy and the quest of both. To channel one of the recent most enduring memes, by the end of this glossary you’ll ache to get back to a bygone era – because where that is, it lacks “wokefishing”.

A

Genuineness – In the view of Zoomers, romance's ideal is presenting as your true, unvarnished self. You'll need it with that!

B

Feathered friend test – A social media test connected to a methodology developed by relationship scientists, in which you mention something minor – for example, “A bird flew by earlier” – and note whether your partner’s response is interested or dismissive. If they aren't interested to hear more about the bird, you two are doomed.

Black cat girlfriend – Gen Z’s response to the “manic pixie dream girl” archetype of the early 2000s – but rather than having short fringe, liking The Smiths and avoiding commitment, the black cat girlfriend puts herself first while exuding mystery and independence. (She may yet have baby bangs.)

The Letter C

Support test – This means going for someone who supports you without being asked. If you entered a room, they would get a seat for you to take a load off.

Task-based bonding – A date where two people form a link while doing chores, such as pet care or food shopping. In other words, how financially strained people in their 20s do budget-friendly dating in a post-“$5 beer and shot combo” world.

Melting down – Having a breakdown when you feel burdened by life. You can crash out over a infatuation or split, spilling all of your (unrequited) feelings.

D

DINK – Double income, no kids. Once a marker of 80s young urban professional affluence, it describes couples who opt out of parenthood to prioritize their own well-being. Or because they cannot afford to become parents.

The Letter E

Emotional vibe coding – The opposite of playing it cool: utilizing dialogue, transparency and vulnerability.

F

Flags

• Danger signals – Personal habits signaling a potential partner is not right. Such as calling their exes unstable, bad tipping habits, a love of controversial director films, a nascent DJ career …
• Good indicators – These actions validate your choice to pursue a partner. For instance following up to make sure you got home safely after a date, minimal screen time, having a bed frame …
• Odd but harmless traits – These typically describe niche, largely benign quirks. For instance being an keen ornithologist, still keeping a biro in their bag, paying the rent in physical money …

Freak matching – When you find someone who’s just as enthusiastic about documentaries about the second world war or DVD collecting or collaging or whatever it may be, as you. Or, conversely, finding someone who despises the same stuff or people that you do (few things creates intimacy faster than sharing a nemesis).

G

The band Geese – A musical group many young men listens to.

Zombie-ing – Someone who reappears into your life after a length of disappearing.

Golden retriever boyfriend – Someone who is affable, accommodating and devoted. The rare partner who is beloved by all of his significant other's friends, and a black cat girlfriend's foil.

Prolonged session enthusiasts – A primarily online subculture of men so preoccupied with self-pleasure that they attempt extended sessions, purposefully delaying climax so they can continue as long as possible.

H

Pessimistic straight dating – A mindset describing many women’s increasing pessimism toward heterosexual relationships. It will come as no surprise to anyone who read the previous entry.

Manosphere archetype – An stereotype promoted by online male influencer figures: a woman who is attractive, nurturing and contentedly domestic, who apparently has no goals of her own other than satisfying her man partner. Perhaps now you’re beginning to understand the whole “heterofatalism” thing better?

The Letter I

Turn-offs – Random and frequently trivial repulsions that instantly kill any feelings of attraction.

“Actions speak louder" – Something to remember after you watch someone else get an incredibly thoughtful display.

The Letter J

Jobs – These have not been this significant in the romance landscape since the Wall Street era. For some women, a “finance bro” is the ultimate catch: a preppy, conservative-leaning guy who will provide (there’s a hit TikTok song on the topic). Meanwhile the left-leaning crowd seek out partners in professions they perceive as being staffed by the more caring among us: healthcare workers, teachers or therapists.

The Letter K

Locking lips – This year, researchers learned that kissing has existed for 16 million years. But the days of kissing may be numbered since some Zoomers want fewer intimate scenes in film, as they are having less sex themselves and do not find onscreen romance realistic.

Kittenfishing – Slight exaggeration. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using older (better) photos of yourself on a online profile, or making your career sound more important than it is. Also known as {