A Companion Only Ever Wants to Talk About Herself: Should I Distance Myself?

I have been close companions with a woman, a person who's overcome many challenges, her resilience is commendable. Yet, she's often taken by surprise by others. Her spouse ended their marriage, and it was a massive blow. Many of close acquaintances drifted away during that time, since they had been focused solely on the spouse. It shocked her. She made increased attention to be my friend, probably realised more clearly what friendship was.

The Pattern of Disappearance

Throughout this period, several close to her have disappeared without her being sure why. The company she worked for became hostile, even though she had been highly competent, she departed without knowing what had changed.

Current Dynamics

Recently, we have each left the workforce so we're spending frequent meetups, however, I feel my role in the relationship is to listen. I introduce topics of conversation but she shifts conversation onto her own topics. Politically, she holds unyielding views. My effort is to suggest factchecking or other angles.

She is arranging a holiday abroad I've visited on several occasions and resided in for some time. My intention was to offer personal experiences, but this was met with resistance. She purely only wanted validation of her plans. I've just ended 30 days there she is eager to meet, but I don't.

Weighing the Options

I hesitate to be a friend who cuts and runs without a word, however, I feel she can grasp the impact of her behaviour on my confidence. Currently, I find myself in distancing myself. How should I proceed?

Ways Forward

You could cut and run, however, that approach is seldom the peaceful resolution we hope for. But confrontation with a view to working things out takes courage and readiness from both people.

Professional advice indicates applying a effective method for resolving disputes:

"Step one involves describing the usual pattern during your discussions. It should be based on facts and essentially an unbiased account. Next is to express her how it affects you emotionally. Ideally, there's no disagreement about this. Emotions belong to you, naturally. Step three is to question how the two of you can shift the dynamics in your relationship."

Consider that she also has her own side, meaning you must to remain ready to acknowledge it. One effective method is to say your friend:

"Please share your thoughts and I'm going to remain silent for half an hour."

Final Thoughts

She may dismiss your concerns, since certain individuals hold onto a “survival narrative”: they rely on a story regarding their experiences they're unable to let go of since their identity is tied to it and it represents they've known. It's tough as there is no thoroughfare with these people, mere obstacles. But she may at first react like this and then think your perspective. And should a resolution isn't found an agreement, it will give you closure from having been open and direct.